Suspended From Elementary School 3 Times?!

Almost.
You didn't think they would actually suspend that sweet looking kid, did you? I had some pretty intense home issues so I think they really just felt bad for me. So I kinda got away with a lot. Let me share a few stories with you. 

Out on the playground at recess one cold day of 2nd grade, I was apparently feeling a little feisty. There was this one girl, let's call her "Lauren" (that may or may not be her real name), and she was a spoiled little bitch. Honestly, most of the kids I went to school with had wealthy familes, nice homes, all the new stuff; and I guess that got under my skin sometimes. This particular girl though, she was just a brat to everyone. She had this puffy denim jacket (it was the 1980s!) that had a fur collar. Yea, a 2nd grader with a fur collar. Well on this cold day, I was just fed up with her. I ripped her jacket off her and threw it in a pile of dog poop. Being the priss that she was, you can imagine the screech she let out. We ended up being friends sometime later, on and off all through middle school. No idea what she's up to now, and I never did ask her how she had to clean that coat. 

Another day at recess (man I loved to cause trouble outdoors), I did something way worse. This was 3rd grade now. Out past the baseball field and right by the street, 2 friends and I were hanging by the road (hey, where the hell were the teachers!?) and I decided to start throwing sticks and rocks at all the cars driving by. My friends held their stomachs in laughter as I kept missing each car. Until this little red car came along... whack! A stick right on her winshield. She started swerving and we noticed she was pulling over. We ran! We ran back down to the playground acting like nothing happened and we had been there all along. But she chased us. She ran after us screaming and crying and ran to the nearest adult, hysterical and pointing her fingers at us. And my "friends" pointing their fingers at me. Snitches. 

4th grade was the worst. "You could have killed him!"
It was April fools day and I brought some chili powder to school with me. (Don't even ask how I came up with these things, I have no idea. I was in a foster home at this point so I think I was just crazy!) We had a guest speaker that day for poetry. His name was Poet Bla Bla Bla, no idea and doesn't matter. He had a little table set up outside of the school office. Yep, right by the principals office. I was with two boys (bad idea because boys have cooties and they get you in trouble), and we were by the office for whatever reason and I spotted this poet's little set up. I noticed he had a cup of coffee sitting there. Perfect! Chili powder coffee, happy April Fools Day suckaaa! Well, much like 3rd grade, I got snitched on. No wonder I have trust issues! I remember getting reamed by the principal and my teacher. "What if he was allergic?!" I probably didn't even know what allergic meant. "You could have killed him!" He ain't dead though, is he? 

Another thing I did in elementary school; I stole random things from a bunch of cubbies. I stole someones library book "Where The Sidewalk Ends", a soccer ball (from a kid that actually played soccer and probably really needed that ball), someone's change (because change was a lot of money back then), and a few other things I can't remember. It was a pretty big deal that all these things were missing, big enough that they sent a letter home to everyone's parents (or in my case, foster mom). I was hiding all the stuff in my room. I didn't give a fuck. I felt pretty bad ass. Until it was all found in my room, dammit. Luckily, she was actually nice so she didn't beat me or lock me in a closet or anything. I just had to return all the stuff anonymously and she tried to teach me how bad it is to steal. Whatever lady. 


15 comments :

  1. Oh my gosh! I find this all hilarious because it reminds me so much of my little brother. He has quite a list. He got kicked out of two preschools. The first one he kept breaking kids crayons on purpose when they were mean or he didn't like them or whatever. The second he pulled the fire alarm on purpose and then hid in the cot closet for an hour and a half and had all the administrators at the school frantic because they thought they lost him. Then in elementary school he got suspended for making money by taking dares (Like eating an apple out of the trash can - gross! - or my favorite which was dancing on the cafeteria table ha). Anyway, that was way more than you probably needed to know but I think you as a kid and my brother as a kid would have been great friends haha )

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  2. ok so what you are telling me is that I am totally normal right? good god what a relief. I made a giant boob in the sandbox in the 4th grade and took a kid's eye out with my clog shoe. I think I got kick out of a daycare when I was 3 for being "difficult"...my kids are going to pay me back for all of this, I am sure of it! (and stealing Where the Sidewalk Ends was totally legit, that book is awesome. )

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  3. I was a complete hellion myself. and i don't even have a good excuse. But these stories are great and you were too cute!

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  4. This cracks me up! What a lil devil. But hey, you turned out alright, and no one died, so I say it's totally fine. I never did bad things! I was a smart mouth, but I didn't actually act on it ever. That I remember at least. Definitely nothing I got caught for ;)

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  5. haha you and i were total opposites. i was the kid that hattttted getting in trouble. might of had something to do with my mom working at my elementary school.

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  6. LOLOLOL What a trouble kid you had been . I was pretty decent but a tomboy at heart . The only trouble I caused was I broke hand of a boy who was two years senior than me . Thankfully , I didn't get suspend!

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  7. hahaha breaking crayons on purpose, that is hilarious. high five to him!

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  8. was it just one boob or two? hahaha that's awesome
    CLOGS!! :)
    exactly, Where the Sidewalk Ends was so good, and everyone had read it already and I wanted to know what the hype was for.

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  9. I got paddled a lot in elementary school. I can remember one time like it was yesterday.

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  10. In first grade I kicked a boy in the nuts and I didn't understand why it was painful for him LOL. I didn't get in trouble though and I don't remember why I kicked him.. but I do remember his name was Ivan and he was cute. In second grade, I was so silly I didn't have a pencil to write with and all I had was a sharpener so I decided to sharpen my finger thinking it was gonna be like a pencil. Wow, I feel so stupid thinking about that cuz I have no idea where my head was at. In third grade, I had a really mean teacher who would beat us with her ruler if we got math problems wrong. I always prayed I would get it right but sometimes she would have me put out my hand and she would slap my hand hard with her ruler. This was back in Puerto Rico so I'm sure they don't do that shit now. Your stories are hilarious though! I wasn't much of a troublemaker.. I feel like I just played on the safe side.

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  11. I was fiercely protective of my elementary school best friend and would fight for her at the drop of a hat. I don't remember this, but my aunt said I once came out of our kindergarten class punching a little girl in the face. Apparently I was holding her by her hair, punching her, and saying if she didn't leave my friend alone she would get it worse the next day. I have no idea what happened after that, but I have a feeling I made a shiv out of flash cards and a jumbo pencil.

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  12. omg hahaah you were a THUG! if i was in your class, i probably woulda been cheering you on!

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  13. haha i think as females, we're just born knowing where to aim ;)
    you're teacher was a monster! i posted about my evil 2nd grade teacher a while back but she never hit us. i probably woulda cut her.

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