I have issues and I've never been ashamed of them. Mostly because you, you, you and you have them also. We're all human and we're all a little screwed up. I struggle with the common things most of us do; anxiety, stress, sometimes depression and other things as well. But not nearly as much as I used to. Not even close. Before I had let go of a lot of nonsense that was weighing me down, I was all of these things (and then some!) all day everyday and it was a very nasty bubble to live in. I hated myself so much. As I've grown and experienced happier things in life, I've kinda just let things go, they just... fell away. But unfortunately it's not that simple with everything. Particularly in how I act when things upset me, or what I allow to upset me. Those two things are the main cause of my anger and anxiety. If I just learn to control my emotions will everything be better? No. Maybe? Probably. I'm not sure. (I've talked about this before on My Biggest Flaw).
So since I'm not sure what will help, I took a step that I've taken many times before and reached out to a therapist. I've been in and out of therapy since I was legit in the womb, thanks to my screwed up parents. So I'm very familiar with the journey. But I do.not.like.it. I hate being vulnerable, I hate the first few sessions of having to talk (again) about my childhood and other battles in life. It's so awkward and so uncomfortable and what if it doesn't help and I just opened up this wound all over again and what if this doctor sucks (like all my other ones), and what if... the list never ends. But I know that the vulnerability is necessary. And I have to suck it up and take a brick off the wall I've built up in order to get past the hurdles in the early stages of therapy if I really wanna fix myself.
Although I have found so much peace in my life in comparison to the dark life that's now behind me, I don't think I've entirely found the peace that I'm looking for. And as corny and cliche as it sounds, I'm starting to realize that it's not going to be what's around me, but what's in me. Hopefully therapy this time around will help me to learn positive ways to deal with my negative emotions. My first appointment is this afternoon. Wish me luck!