It's Not The Load

Wanna know some songs that get me through the moments of when I wanna choke the shit outta someone and smash their faces off the pavement? Also known as, songs that pump some positive vibes through my veins and make the rage subside - at least a little bit.

Let me give you a little background on some of the stress that's been subconsciously suffocating me lately. To keep others information private, I'm gonna be very brief, but you'll get the idea that I've kinda got a lot on my mind. Work stuff may or may not be part of my stress but if it was, it wouldn't be mentioned anyways because duh you don't talk about work on your public blog. Ever.

  • Although everything has been replaced (and then some), the boyfriend getting his tools stolen from his work van at xmas was a very stressful time. Especially when we were told it would not be covered by insurance. 
  • I didn't mention this anywhere when it happened, but recently my little sister passed out and was taken to the ER. I really wish I was back home. 
  • I'm still burning about losing the mega millions. Just saying. AKA financial stresses, that I'm sure most of us endure these days in America. 
  • A huge change that the boyfriend is building up right now, but unfortunately ONE PIECE of this puzzle is missing and he's having trouble making it work out on time. This change is huge for our future and the anxiety of it pretty much hanging by a thread right now is incredibly suffocating and terrifying. 
  • Some of my own goals that I've been trying to make come to fruition, but I keep hitting walls. But of course, they're walls built by me.

So there's a little piece of some shit I've been sitting silent on. Some shit that I didn't even realize was really stressing me out until these last few days when some smaller crap set me off (although I'm totally fucking justified in my frustrations) but it set me off hard enough that I knew there was something else behind it. It took the boyfriend asking me over and over what's going on and telling me I seem different and sad. I finally realized that I'm not sad, I'm stressed. Well, maybe the stress is making me sad.

For most of my life I was always a dweller and an over reactor and I carried a load of shit with me at all times. In the last few years I've worked on trying to not let things bother me, so much so that I now don't allow myself to deal with the things I should be letting bother me. If you've been around here awhile, you know that I'm a person with a not-so-glittery past that has come a very long way. Such a long way that it sometimes seems like I've been alive for centuries. But I'll still be a work in progress every single day til I die.  And I'm ok with that, especially when there's music to get me through.

Here's a section of my "lift me up" playlist.

One of the most important songs (not shown on this list) is Christina's "I Will Be". There are times when I look back to certain days, years ago, when I'd be laying there with this song on repeat, and I could swear it saved my life. 

What are some songs that help you get through a bad day? I'd love to add more to my playlist!

side note: sorry I bailed on Recipe Week. Clearly, this week spiraled down into a different direction. I actually almost ditched this place completely. I needed to step back for a moment and rethink a lot of things. Recipes will return next week! I promise! <3

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  1. Sorry that you have been so anxious and stressed. Hopefully things will start to fall into place soon so you can let go of some of the anxieties. I love Fighter, too!

  2. I adore reading your music-y posts and getting new suggestions for my own pick-me-up songs! Do you use Spotify ever, or mostly Itunes? One of my favorite go-to songs in Even if it Breaks Your Heart by the Eli Young Band. As for the stress, you go girl! I know that you're going to beast through it and come out appreciating all the wonderful parts of life even more!

  3. Love the music selection. It just depends what kind of bad day I am having. Sometimes I don't want to listen to anything. Mariah Carey used to help me through tough times back in the day.

  4. I am the same way when it comes to dwelling, and I hate it. I feel like it puts me in such a negative place, and the one place i dwell is by myself, on my way to and from work. Music is such a big stress reliever for me as well! Sometimes I listen to a sad song to cry, or a happy song to get it all out of my system. I think you have a great great list!

  5. Christinas defffff helps boost any mood! And i'm sorry you've been stressed out lately, hope your sister is okay! Spencer & I have some changes in the works for our future too and the pieces just aren't falling into place the way we want them too, and it's definitely stressful. Which makes us stress about finances, so its like one giant circle, and you're definitely not alone! Hopefully things will start to work themselves out for you guys soon :)

  6. Stress will make you super sad, been there. Just wanting to shut off things and that in turn will make you sad. I am so sorry you are hitting so many walls. I hope that they start to break down soon and you can start to destress soon

  7. So sorry you are going through so much right now. I know you are strong enough to overcome. Don't let it get you down. Check out Something to Believe In by Citizen's Cope. Big Hugs, girl!

  8. Hey friend <3

    Always here for you! And don't let shit crush your dreams and goals, you're a badass and don't tell yourself any different.

    That's a rockin playlist you have up there and I'm going to steal it and load it into my own tunes :)

  9. I need that quote. So much shit has happened in the past 72 hours I can barely wrap my mind around it. And I like what you said. I feel similarly in that I've come from a rough past, and I sometimes forget that it's still about growing. Almost like wait, there's MORE? And more isn't necessarily BAD?

    One song I love, though not the peppiest but with the truest truest lyrics you'll ever read is Vienna by Billy Joel.

  10. I love that Tupac made this list. Seriously... anything Tupac gets me pumped up.

  11. awww, chin up and hang in there! we all have our shit times; we just gotta hang tough and make it through each day. that accident i had before the holidays? SHIT JUST NEVER STOPS WITH THAT. it's one thing after another and all i want is for all of it to go away!!!!

    Vodka and Soda

  12. "Somebody That I Used to Know" Gotye is my pick me up jam! Something about singing it at the top of my lungs makes me feel better when life has gotten me down.

  13. The End Where I Begin by The Script. I had the CD before the divorce, but one day I listened to it and just broke down. I got it and it makes me feel really good when I hear it now. Fighter is a duh one :) Also I'm currently obsessing over The Worst, but Jhene Aiko. Not sure why but it makes me feel better too. Stress, sadness and depression are real things, but it helps talking about it and getting it out there. Hope you're feeling better and less stressed soon.

  14. I completely feel ya!