I Guess I'm Sad

Oh hi there big white space that I haven't bothered to do anything with lately! I don't know why I'm lacking so much motivation lately, but I just am. Maybe I just really want it to be summer. Oh wait, I'm in southern California, it already is. Maybe I really wanted to go home in April for my sister Erica's 13th birthday and I'm slowly realizing that I can't and I'm sad. (Thank you airlines and your disgusting coast to coast prices!)  Like, really sad that I'm gonna miss her 13th birthday. She's been wanting to be a teenager since she was a toddler haha. Oh, just more of that "I moved away" guilt that I carry.


With the 3000 miles and the 3 hour time difference, I pretty much rely on Instagram to see what she's up to. I've been debating on putting this out there or not but fuck it... I'm jealous. My brother and his girlfriend (who I love!) get to hang out with Erica pretty often. And I'm so glad because she needs them. Every time they post pictures of them hanging out, I get super excited! But then I get immediately deflated because I'm not there with them. I'm jealous that they all get to be together and I'm just over here feeling left out. I didn't really notice this until a couple of days ago when the boyfriend pointed something out...

When I got home from work, I was in a great mood, pumped to go to the gym, excited to see DeNiro, just plain happy. While I drank my pre-workout drink, I did my usual scroll through Instagram. I passed a picture of the three of them hanging out and my heart smiled, awww! As we prepared to go to the gym, the boyfriend noticed something in my mood shifted and questioned it. I did the typical "nothing's wrong" because I really didn't think anything was. When we got to the gym, his drink hadn't kicked in yet so we sat for a few minutes, while he scrolled through Instagram and came across the same picture and asked me "is this why you're sad? Is this what's wrong?" I glanced over at what he was talking about, confused because nothing was wrong and I saw their three smiles again. It took me a second while it set in and said "I guess so?" It was then that I realized how much I miss all of them is really weighing on me. I haven't seen my sister since October 2012. I got to be with Kevin and Vanessa this past summer, but it was very short lived [see: here and here]. I just really really miss everyone a lot and I really need to go home. But it's just not in the cards right now and I think it's breaking my heart a little.

And then.... we're moving. I think. We didn't sign anything yet, but they called us yesterday and said that the apartment we were waiting for is available and ready for us for March 1st. That's in a week! I was kinda hoping it wouldn't be ready until April 1st. Now we have one week (while working all day) to pack and move and clean. In the bigger picture, I know it's so not a big deal and totally doable. Especially since we're staying in the same building, just moving upstairs. Basically one of the easiest moves ever, but for some reason it's really stressing me out. Which in turn means that I will again be taking another week off the blog.

That's also the weekend of our 3 year anniversary, and ugh we'll be moving. That annoys me because I wanted to celebrate. But I suppose I can look at this with a positive view and see it as celebrating with a new bigger apartment!


Image and video hosting by TinyPic

18 comments :

  1. I lived in Southern California for 6 years and my family was in San Luis. It was only a 4 hour distance but it killed me! I'm so sorry you're not able to be near them and I wish there was something I could do or say to help. Just remember that you will always love each other no matter how far away you are. And I hope you get to go visit them SOON!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hated living an hour away from my family and most of my friends :( I can only imagine how much harder it is to be that far away!

    ReplyDelete
  3. feel better. i can't imagine being that far away from family.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I would blame it at least partly on the weather! Everyone is ready for winter to be over. I completely feel you on this post- I haven't been home with my friends and family in six months now. Its hard to be away from everyone- but at least it lets you appreciate home more!

    ReplyDelete
  5. i think any distance sucks, 4 hours is really a lot!
    thank you so much Juliette, that just made me smile BIG!

    ReplyDelete
  6. thank you, i miss you! are you gonna ever come back? :(

    ReplyDelete
  7. it does make you appreciate it more! when I was there, I couldn't wait to move away. and now I miss it so much and love it so much when I'm there!

    ReplyDelete
  8. It's really hard living away from family. My nephew and older sister just moved last year and it is kind of sad when you think that you might see them once maybe twice per year at most. Cheer up!! Just think of the lovely so cal weather!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I didn't think I would miss living close to my mom when I moved but I actually do, her and Little K love hanging out and playing together and I love getting a little break. I totally get the guilt you feel because I feel it too from time to time, I mean who takes their kid so far away from their grandparent? Then I remember lots of people all the time, it's not just me.


    Maybe you should send your sister a fun "teenager" gift box, you'll have so much fun putting it together and you'll be so excited for her to get it!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I'm in Phoenix and my family is in Michigan, so I totally understand. I dont have money right now for a $1,500+ trip. My great gram is getting so old and i havent seen her in two years. it sucks so bad, but as long as you try hard to keep up the great relationships you have with them ♥ i hope you get to go home soon!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Soitgoesblog.blogspot.com. I think I'm writing a post soon and then redirecting my old blog to it

    ReplyDelete
  12. Sorry you are feeling sad. We contemplate moving out if state from time to time but if we did it would have to be within decent driving distance because I know we would miss everyone. Chin up!! Xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm so sorry you are missing your sister. I want to move out of the state my family lives in but I worry about going through the same heartache you feel now. I know I will miss them so much. I hope you have a chance to see your baby sister soon, even if it isn't for her birthday.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I wish I had the money to buy you a plane ticket to go see your family or to buy them all plane tickets to come and see you. :(

    ReplyDelete
  15. I definitely know that guilt from moving away. My mom was in the hospital all week and I had to decide to drop everything and go visit her or stay behind. I dropped everything but being so far from home doesnt make it easy

    ReplyDelete
  16. Airline prices definitely are killer! I get that sad feeling too when I see pictures of my brother, sister-in-law, baby nephew and their friends hanging out together in California, while I am stuck here in Chicago. Seeing the pics of my little nephew should make me happy, but I'm actually jealous that he sees my brother's friends all the time and calls them aunties and uncles, while I only get to enjoy him a few times a year.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I live away from my family too, I feel you!! Good luck with the move!

    agirlandhersparkles.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  18. I was so lonely when I moved to Boston and left my family in Florida. It's hard when you're so close to your family to be so far away. I'm also buying some Florida lottery tickets tonight in your honor. If I picked a winner, Kelly is is going home!

    ReplyDelete