I know that I'm not the only one that suffers from severe anxiety. But I have felt nothing but alone in it for the last few weeks. I haven't been this tormented by it in a really long time. I've become impossible to deal with, I've become a lump of absolute misery. I cry, I tremble, I lash out, I get clammy, I get dizzy, I get short of breath and my heart races and my stomach knots up and my skin tingles.... and this is my all day every day life as of lately. It's causing me to lose focus at work and even be thrown off my fitness and clean eating routines, which in turn causes me even more anxiety. Because for someone who still battles everyday with addiction, my routine is a really high priority. It's basically number one. Or two if you count DeNiro snuggles. I could list so many things that bring on my anxiety, but it doesn't matter what I recognize if I don't do anything about it. A few months back I posted about starting therapy again. I never followed up on that post because I never made it past 2 sessions with her. Why? Because the anxiety of just going to the appointment was incredibly overwhelming and honestly, she didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. They never do. But that's not where this post is going.
I haven't had a primary doctor in a long time, and I haven't bothered to find one because guess what? The idea of searching and calling and going to a new doctor gave me anxiety so I always pushed it off. Lately everything around me has felt like it's caving in and my days are becoming insufferable, so I finally made the call. And the only reason I could was because I told myself if I didn't, I was going to have a breakdown. I do have to get through one whole week leading up to this appointment, and that terrified me. So I made another brave move. I reached out. I hate bothering people with my problems because I worry that I'm inconveniencing them. I reached out to someone close to me that I know has a lot of similar battles that I do and I know that she has been working really hard on them. I broke down into tears at my desk as I texted her. I was desperately hoping that she wasn't busy and could answer right away. She did. And it made all the difference in the world. By the time our very lengthy text swaps were through, I felt refreshed. She gave me some of the best advice I ever heard. Something a therapist had never given me. Advice that may seem so simple to some, but that I would never have been able to see on my own through all my smog. She got me through today and I will use her help to push me through the week to my doctor appointment, and beyond. And I will also share some of it with you.
- Yoga and meditation
- A self help book such as, "Success Through Stillness"
- Stay on your routine, no matter who is doing it with you
- Go for a long walk, and think about your breathing
- Cater to yourself [massage, facial, nails, etc]
- Burn herbs and incense such as sage to drive away negative energy
- Go with your gut, not with your head. Your head will worry!
- Set reminders on your phone for every 30 minutes (or what is best for you) that say uplifting and positive things. You will forget that you've set it and it will be a nice surprise when it pops up, making you smile and reminding you that things are not really that bad.
- Vitamins, like 5-HTP which promotes a positive mood.
- Keep a journal and scribble out all your worries, get them out of your system
- Stay focused on the present
A lot of my anger comes from my anxiety and a lot of my anxiety stems from my anger. I noticed that a lot of the same remedies can be used to help relieve both pains. Fighting against my enemy is gonna be a long battle and I'm gonna hit a lot of walls. But I'm honestly sick of it, I'm so over letting it control me. I have to do something about it, because no one else will. If you fall under the anxious cloud like me, what are some things you do to make it through? Is there anything that you would add to this list?
I'll close this post with a deep slow breath, and hope for a peaceful night of sleep.