Sometimes the life you worked so hard to build does not turn out to be the life you wanted. I used to think being in Los Angeles was it for me - the place I'm meant to be, the place that I'll grow old in and live life to the fullest in and enjoy and be happy. I guess I've felt that way about a lot of things, not just LA.  I put my everything into building what I have now - my job, my home, my little family (yes because DeNiro is my child), a life that currently cannot be picked up and moved somewhere else, a life that isn't really open for big changes at the moment. A life that's starting to feel like I'm settling. There's a whole world out there, and I've barely seen any of it.

Sometimes the life you worked so hard to build ends up putting you in situations that can feel a little suffocating. Sometimes you put so much effort into just trying to get where you want, you don't realize all the things you're leaving behind on the way or all the mistakes you're making that are gonna catch up to you, or all the money you wasted that you're really really gonna need when all of this realization starts hitting you.

I left home and moved to LA 5 years ago and I'm really just over it. Different places are different for everyone, and this one is just too chaotic for me. It's no secret around this blog that I've been unhappy for awhile, and things are starting to make sense as to why. I had such a blast in Vegas this weekend and some special moments that I guess made me have a little epiphany. Maybe getting out of LA and having a few heart-to-hearts will do that to you.

The moral of the story is you should always have a back up plan, even if you think you would never possibly ever need one... because life is a silly bitch and that silly bitch will let you the fuck down at any moment she feels and if you're not ready for it, you might get stuck.

I Blog Fashion Things Now Too

This one time, on a lonely Saturday afternoon, I decided to get a little taste of how the fashion bloggers do their thang. I mentioned last week that I got that nifty little wireless shutter remote for my DSLR and that I would share some photos. Some photos that I was pretty proud of considering my lack of skill behind and in front of a camera. Go me! I chose not to flood the shit out of this place with 1037239 pictures, so here's a few that I chose at random. 

Product Links:
_ 2pac sleeveless shirt : my sister got it for me <3
_ Michael Kors Hamilton satchel : silver hardware
_ Blog So Hard tee - IWYP [sold out for all eternity]

And for extra fun, I did this a second Saturday and will share those sometime soon also. What can I say, selfies are addicting....  I highly suggest getting a wireless shutter remote and having some fun!

sidenote: I'm heading to Vegas on Friday morning and not coming back until Sunday night. I have a lot of shopping, primping, packing and DeNiro cuddling to do before I leave, so I may or may not be vanishing from here for a few days. But as always, I will be pimping the shit outta my life on Instagram so go follow me there to witness all the crazy that is Vegas. 

See all photos here: 616 FB
*Not a sponsored post. 

I'm Not A Writer

When I chose to start this blog I wasn't thinking I'm some immaculate writer, or that I was gonna even impress people with my way of words. Because I am not a writer, I'm a rambler. I write the same way I talk, which is usually fast and all over the place. I come here to open this space called a post and it's like spitfire. I don't have a single writing skill, I mean, it's shocking I even use periods. English was my worst and least favorite subject in school and I 100% bullshitted my entire way through it. I've never once in my whole life written an actual essay, mostly because I don't like to follow rules; don't tell me what to do and that I need some intro and conclusion. No. I want to say what I want to say and how I want to say it. Also, I just really hated school and I really hated reading boring books and then having to write some dumb report of the book without copying anything. What?! Excuse me teacher but you've read this book and probably 320793 other "reports" about it, so you don't need to hear more from me. Okay, I'm trailing off, let's get this train back on track.

On occasion we see the peanut gallery blabbing about how bloggers are terrible writers and  this blogger  and  that blogger  are not "writers". So let me just put it out there now, I am not a writer and I will never call myself one. I'm a blogger, and what you choose as a description of a blogger is your choice. But for me, I blog to get shit off my chest, express some stupid silly humor, share a story or recipe and to connect with others that are like me. That's pretty much it. If I want to have run on sentences because I'm pouring my heart out and can't stop typing because I'm so tense and have SO MUCH TO SAY, I will. If I want to use colons and commas in all the wrong places, I will. I'm sure you still understand what I'm trying to say and that's all that matters to me really. If my posts sound like I'm yelling or running out of breath, good. I'd rather you feel what I'm putting down here instead of me trying to find some fancy word (that I probably can't even pronounce) just so someone can be like "what a great writer"... it ain't me babe. {name that movie}

Also, I'm not trying to knock those of you that are writers. Because holy shit some of you are amazing. Like Dayna, who literally (see what I just did there) takes you to another land with her words. it's like you're there with her in that moment that she's describing but you're kinda still on a cloud floating by and just feeling it all. She is an immaculate writer. Flawless.

I'm just a rambler. And that's how I like it.

The Birthday Post

32 years ago my brother got his first little sister. I wish I could sit here and write about all the wonderful things that have happened over the last 32 years and all the lives I've touched and people I've saved. But, nah. There's not really anything special about my 32 years. I made it this far, I guess that's pretty cool.

Do birthday's even matter anymore? It seems that each year they just become less and less important. Why were they such a huge deal as a kid? Truly, it's no different from any other day of the year. Well, except for me (and Ashten <- happy birthday to her!), because today is also Tupac's birthday. I can already see some of you rolling your eyes, or clicking on that red X up there in the corner (or where ever it is on a Mac). But that has always been a big deal to me. 

Growing up, it was just me and my brother. We only had each other. So of course, I followed his lead with everything. This included music and if you were an adolescent/teen of the 90's you know that was the best time for all music, especially rap. I took one of his 2pac cassettes one day, listened to it over and over, fell in love, and felt like a badass. I was in 6th grade at this time. 7th and 8th grade is when the obsession got serious, everyone knew that I was THE die hard 2pac fan. Let's take a moment to talk about where I lived and what kind of school I went to. I lived in Newton, MA - the south side - which is predominantly rich jewish white kids. They were all obsessed with people like Tori Amos, with their Limited Too jeans, Adidas Sambas and J Crew sweaters. And then there was me. The poor, non-jewish white girl with baggy pants, bandanas, and non-stop talk of 2pac.

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender."

In 9th grade, the worst thing that I thought could ever happen to me, did. Tupac died. I wish there was a video of my reactions, or some words to explain to you truly what happened. But basically, I LOST MY SHIT. This is where it gets kinda funny. But seriously, I fucking lost it. Screaming crying, hysterical all day in school for days, crying in classes. I was a mess. Can we stop and remember that I was a 13 year old girl so I had no control over my emotions or what real life meant and that's why I truly thought this was the end of my world? Yea. 

So per usual when a celebrity dies, they become plastered onto every magazine cover you can think of. And that is when I saw it. Tupac Shakur  6/16/71 - 9/13/96...... OMG WE HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY! *cue more hysterical tears* because WE WERE OBVIOUSLY MEANT TO BE TOGETHER AND NOW HE'S JUST DEAD! 

So over the years, as I got older, my obsession faded. My love never did, but I most certainly calmed the fuck down. But every year around my birthday I can't help but reminisce all those middle school and high school years that so deeply revolved around him. Every year around my birthday, I bump him through my headphones a little more often than usual and I get incredibly nostalgic.  

Happy Birthday to my first celebrity obsession crush, rest in paradise and peace forever, Tupac.

The message I stress: to make it stop study your lessons
Don't settle for less - even a genius asks questions
Be grateful for blessings
Don't ever change, keep your essence
The power is in the people and politics we address
Always do your best, don't let the pressure make you panic

There's gonna be some stuff you're gonna see that's gonna make it hard to smile in the future
But through whatever you see, through all the rain and the pain, you gotta keep your sense of humor
You've gotta be able to smile through all this bullshit.
Remember that.

And though my soul was deleted, I couldn't see it
I had my mind full of demons tryin to break free
They planted seeds and they hatched 

Sparkin the flame inside my brain like a match, such a dirty game...
I suffered through the years, and shed so many tears


For a little look inside this obsession, you can see ONE wall of my bedroom HERE.

Changing Your Brand

What happens when you change your blog name? You probably think "eh, not much". But something big might happen. Your page views can drop tremendously. Mine dropped more than 75% at first and I've been building back up. If you're thinking of changing your brand/domain, keep in mind that some things could have a big impact. All the pins you posted, sure you can edit those on your boards. But the ones out there that have been pinned onto other boards and made their way around Pinterest giving you tons of page views all the live long day... dead. Those pins lead to nowhere now. Ever did a feature on someone else's blog, but now you've changed your domain? If anyone ever comes across that post, they'll never find you now, those links are dead too. This may also be the case if you have shared your posts on other sites before. I never realized how much of my traffic came from Pinterest until I changed my blog name. I've basically been generating traffic from scratch. Thankfully, I've been in the blogland long enough that I've got some committed readers and friends, but you definitely take a hit with a brand change. 

Some areas that are affected:
}Favorite Posts (see, mine are all dead. I need to change all of them.)
}Passionfruit ads
}If you are on someones Blogroll
}If your blog has a Facebook and you put your blog post links on it

And probably many more I can't think of right now. 

I re-branded about a month ago and I'm still coming across things that I need to change. Every single detail that has ever been associated with your blog, has to change. Every profile you've made; Blogger, Disqus, Passionfruit, Pinterest, Facebook, Bloglovin', Email, BlogHer, Twitter, maybe even Instagram, and so many more! The list seems endless since I keep coming across things that have Petite Ramblings attached to it. 

But was it worth it? Yup. I was so unhappy with my previous blog brand, it was causing me to lose motivation. I'm now overly satisfied with my brand haha and especially with the new look that it carries also. 

My advice is to think really hard about picking a name when you start a blog. While so many people claim that their numbers don't matter (side eye), it's certainly not a happy feeling to lose everything you worked so hard for... readers. Numbers do matter, numbers mean people are coming to you and reading what you have to say and connecting with you. Of course we would rather have 5000 people enjoy our blog a day rather than 6, because that's more people you're touching, that's more reason to keep doing what you're doing. More reason to get on here and pour your heart out on a bad day because maybe 5000 people are feeling the same way and can relate. Maybe that's just me because I have written a chunk of personal posts and I have had many people tell me they're going through the same thing or have in the past. More page views means you could be putting a smile on the faces of more people, or maybe you need the smile that day and your comments get flooded with encouragement.

So maybe I was here to talk about the downers of changing your domain and it may have turned into a little rant of people who say numbers don't matter. Oops! My point is, think really hard about picking a blog name, and if you are thinking of changing your blog name and domain, just be prepared for the bad that comes with it too.

A Revamp

Ah, how nice and refreshing. I got tired of making changes to my blog and wasn't really interested in all the same designs that everyone does for $100+ so I went with a template from Etsy and I am so happy! I worked with Suzana from This Girl Design and she was wonderful to work with while she customized it for me!

necklaces by Alisha Nicole
You also may have seen me blow up your Instagram yesterday. I got this amazing little invention called a wireless shutter remote and I really really needed new pix for my blog. The ones I've been using were from last summer when my brother was here and took them for me. Well, with this awesome little contraption, I was able to do a photo shoot of myself all by myself. It was fun, it was hard, it was hot, it took a long time, but I'm very happy with some of the shots I got. If you didn't see the few that I put on instagram (haha few, I put 9) you can see the rest over on my Facebook in the "i don't do, i just am" album. There are still some that I have to go through, so I hope to have some more gems in the bunch. And if I'm not too lazy, I'll make a few posts out of them, since there were a couple different looks. See also: I'll play fashion blogger for a bit.

In other news, it was my blog's birthday this weekend and I totally missed it. I was hoping to have my Draw My Life video done by then, but not so much. That will be awhile. I guess in celebration of having this little space of my own, I've got some new pix and a new design. Boom. Take a look around, I made some changes to my pages; about me, advertise, etc.... And get an ad on my sidebar for only $1.50 using promo code BLOGBIRTHS.

I hope you have a bright Monday!
Next Monday will be even brighter because, it's my birthday. It's Ashten's birthday. And it's Tupac's birthday. We're in the 616 Club!

[Just realized that I lost Disqus, so my comments are all jacked up while everything imports.]

Music With Meaning

We all love music, it's no secret that music saves us. While I love all genres of music, seriously all - I am personally attached to a small handful of artist who I feel comfortable to say that they saved my life. Literally. Today I just feel like posting a random song (the black hole of shuffle on your playlist) that means something to me. And I may even do this monthly. And if anyone cares, maybe we can turn it into a link up.

I listen to Mariah a lot. You may know this by now. So I'm gonna start this off with one of my favorite songs from the 2008 E=MC2 album. Oh and don't come here trashing her, I will school you! For 24 years she has helped me more than anyone else in my hardest times, starting with the years I was in a foster home. I don't care how much she has changed now, she will always be my savior. Her music has kept my heart beating, my eyes open and my soul alive.

Now that my protective rant is over, let's get started. This song is SIDE EFFECTS and without going into details of dark places in my past, I'll just say that this song really is so special to me.

I was a girl, you was a man, I was too young to understand
I was naive, I just believed everything that you told me
Said you were strong, protecting me then I found out that you were weak
Keeping me there under your thumb
Cause you were scared that I'd become much more than you could handle

Shining like a chandelier that decorated every room inside the private hell we built
And I dealt with it, like a kid I wished I could fly away but instead
I kept my tears inside cause I knew if I started I'd keep cryin' for the rest of my life with you
I finally built up the strength to walk away, don't regret it

But I still live with the side effects

Wakin' up scared some nights still dreamin' about the violent times
Still a little protective 'bout the people that I let inside
Still a little defensive thinking folks be tryin' to run my life
Still a little depressed inside, I fake a smile and deal with the s
ide effects

Vacant inside no one was there, couldn't be real, had to keep quiet
Once in a while put up a fight, it's just too much night after night
After a while I would just lie, you was dead wrong, said you were right
Did what I could just to survive, couldn't believe this was my life
Flickering like a candle, d
oing my best to handle
Sleepin with the enemy, aware that he was smothering every last part of me
So I broke away and finally found the strength to breathe...

Forgive but I can't forget it
Everyday I deal with this, I live with the side effects
But I ain't gon' let them get the best of me
...but I still live with the side effects.

photo and photo edit: myself

Egg In A Pep - Two!

Eggs for breakfast? Well, that's boring. But not if you get creative! Two weeks ago I posted a super simple little egg thingy in a pepper slice. And today I have another egg and pepper thingy but this one is only regular simple, not super simple. Here's the thing, it's basically a stuffed pepper, but without all the rice and meat, instead it's veggies and egg! I love love love stuffed peppers, it's one my favorite things to make and eat. So when I was wandering into the abyss of Pinterest and came across some breakfasty stuffed peppers, I had to run to the kitchen!

What you need:

  • bell peppers - I chose green because, yum.
  • spinach - frozen because, easy.
  • eggs
  • salt/pepper

What you do:

  • preheat your oven to 400f
  • cut the tops off the peppers and remove the annoying little seeds 
  • place them on a pan and shove them in the oven for 15 minutes
  • defrost the spinach according to directions aka microwave it
  • this is where I wish I would have cut some tomato slices to include but I didn't
  • when peppers are done, stuff them with spinach and sprinkle salt/pepper - season to taste
  • crack a whole egg right on top (I used 1 whole egg & 1 egg white due to the size of the peppers)
  • cook on 400 for about 20 minutes

Pretty simple, right? Right. I plan on experimenting with this one more by using other veggies. I want to add a tomato slice, maybe some asparagus... and if you're one of those cheese lovers, add cheese!

Have you tried this before? Let me know if you make this and get creative with the ingredients!

An Update On: My Enemy

It's no secret that this blog took a dive these last few months. And it's also no secret as to why it did, because I share those things with you, ~friendship~. Some days I get all amped up to write a post and I have it all said out in my head and then I sit down and open this up and I just don't feel like it. I get lazy, I guess. And since I've wasted all those great post ideas away, I figured I would at least let it be known how I've been doing since those sad ass deep posts I was doing about two months ago.

I'm better. Not entirely back to my spunky self, but a whole lot better. I'm still in a bad mood a good chunk of the time, but I'm not physically ill with anxiety all day every day anymore. With a mix of medication and some consistency in my exercise routine, I've been able to begin digging myself out of that hole I was suffocating in. After my sister's visit came to an end, I was really very sad. I cried a lot for a lot of days and nothing the boyfriend would do could cheer me up. I started to hate everything. I hated that I moved here, I hated that my boyfriend moved here instead of me moving home to him, I hated work, I hated eating, I hated going to the store, I hated everything. I'm on the tail end of all that sadness and anger now and I'm starting to feel brighter again.

I'm disappointed in myself that I had so many happy goals at the beginning of this year and I allowed myself to waste half the year already (yea, hi it's June!) and accomplished pretty much nothing. I could easily let the rest of 2014 fly on by while I just lay off in the distance. But I don't want to. I want to keep growing and I want to keep getting brighter. I've let too much darkness settle around my bubble lately and I'm really just over it. So stay tuned while I allow the clouds to clear and let the sunshine in!

posts mentioned:
My Enemy
A Season Of My Life
my CA story
the bf's CA story
2014 goals

photo credit: myself
photo edit: myself