The Birthday Post

32 years ago my brother got his first little sister. I wish I could sit here and write about all the wonderful things that have happened over the last 32 years and all the lives I've touched and people I've saved. But, nah. There's not really anything special about my 32 years. I made it this far, I guess that's pretty cool.

Do birthday's even matter anymore? It seems that each year they just become less and less important. Why were they such a huge deal as a kid? Truly, it's no different from any other day of the year. Well, except for me (and Ashten <- happy birthday to her!), because today is also Tupac's birthday. I can already see some of you rolling your eyes, or clicking on that red X up there in the corner (or where ever it is on a Mac). But that has always been a big deal to me. 

Growing up, it was just me and my brother. We only had each other. So of course, I followed his lead with everything. This included music and if you were an adolescent/teen of the 90's you know that was the best time for all music, especially rap. I took one of his 2pac cassettes one day, listened to it over and over, fell in love, and felt like a badass. I was in 6th grade at this time. 7th and 8th grade is when the obsession got serious, everyone knew that I was THE die hard 2pac fan. Let's take a moment to talk about where I lived and what kind of school I went to. I lived in Newton, MA - the south side - which is predominantly rich jewish white kids. They were all obsessed with people like Tori Amos, with their Limited Too jeans, Adidas Sambas and J Crew sweaters. And then there was me. The poor, non-jewish white girl with baggy pants, bandanas, and non-stop talk of 2pac.

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender."

In 9th grade, the worst thing that I thought could ever happen to me, did. Tupac died. I wish there was a video of my reactions, or some words to explain to you truly what happened. But basically, I LOST MY SHIT. This is where it gets kinda funny. But seriously, I fucking lost it. Screaming crying, hysterical all day in school for days, crying in classes. I was a mess. Can we stop and remember that I was a 13 year old girl so I had no control over my emotions or what real life meant and that's why I truly thought this was the end of my world? Yea. 

So per usual when a celebrity dies, they become plastered onto every magazine cover you can think of. And that is when I saw it. Tupac Shakur  6/16/71 - 9/13/96...... OMG WE HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY! *cue more hysterical tears* because WE WERE OBVIOUSLY MEANT TO BE TOGETHER AND NOW HE'S JUST DEAD! 

So over the years, as I got older, my obsession faded. My love never did, but I most certainly calmed the fuck down. But every year around my birthday I can't help but reminisce all those middle school and high school years that so deeply revolved around him. Every year around my birthday, I bump him through my headphones a little more often than usual and I get incredibly nostalgic.  

Happy Birthday to my first celebrity obsession crush, rest in paradise and peace forever, Tupac.

The message I stress: to make it stop study your lessons
Don't settle for less - even a genius asks questions
Be grateful for blessings
Don't ever change, keep your essence
The power is in the people and politics we address
Always do your best, don't let the pressure make you panic

There's gonna be some stuff you're gonna see that's gonna make it hard to smile in the future
But through whatever you see, through all the rain and the pain, you gotta keep your sense of humor
You've gotta be able to smile through all this bullshit.
Remember that.

And though my soul was deleted, I couldn't see it
I had my mind full of demons tryin to break free
They planted seeds and they hatched 

Sparkin the flame inside my brain like a match, such a dirty game...
I suffered through the years, and shed so many tears


For a little look inside this obsession, you can see ONE wall of my bedroom HERE.


  1. thank you!
    yea, pretty incredible.

  2. Happy Birthday!! I agree that birthdays just go downhill as you get older, as far as celebration goes. Tupac was a fascinating guy who always had quote-worthy things to say on camera. I don't really remember much of him when he was alive (even though I'm 30), but I remember when he died. Tragic. My celebrity birthday twin is Kim Kardashian - and even though most people roll their eyes at her, I'm oddly fascinated with her just because we share the same birthday. Ha! Hope you have a wonderful birthday!!

  3. Happy birthday sweetie! I loved Tupac and although I wasn't obsessed I had a mini crush on him only because I saw him on Poetic Justice with Janet and I was like "wow he is so foine!" haha. I think I also was in 9th grade when he passed. So sad.

    BTW, I love these pictures you took!! I think the 2nd one is my fave :) Oh and your makeup is on point!!

  4. Happy birthday :))
    Haha I loved Tupac too, not as much as you of course, lol!

  5. Happy Birthday! I didn't get into Tupac until I was much older. I was one of like 5 black kids at my school and to say I was sheltered is an understatement. Once I did discover him though, I got why so many friends did freak when he died. Happy birthday again and thanks for sharing some Tupac love.

  6. Happy birthday! This is such an interesting story about your birthday. I don't think I share mine with any celebrities that I'm a fan of.

  7. Happy Birthday!!! I died when you said Newton!! I can only imagine the looks you got there!! Pour one out for your homie!

  8. "I most certainly calmed the fuck down" Bahahaha! You know I loooove me some Tupac!!! :D
    Happy birthday you gorgeous freak of nature! I'm glad you were born! :D

  9. I love me some Tupac! A VERY talented and handsome man! Happy Birthday!

  10. thank you!
    incredibly talented, a legend :)

  11. hahaaha thank you beautiful!! <3 <3

  12. haha you're not sucky <3 thank you Lauren!

  13. thank you!!!!
    super quote worthy, he was very brilliant.
    haha i kate Kim K but i totally understand being fascinated because LOOK AT HER LIFE. how can we not be drawn to that?!

  14. thank you!! hahaha so funny, i def thought he was the hottest thing alive ever! lol 13 yrd old hormones.

    thank you! i've been watching months of makeup tutorials, i'm really trying to learn how all this stuff works lol

  15. thank you!!!

    "Once I did discover him though, I got why so many friends did freak when he died"..... this made my heart flutter.

  16. thank you!!!
    bahahaha and Newton SOUTH lolz. i fit in way more when i moved to natick.

  17. First of all, Happy Belated Birthday! I'm so glad to "meet" another 30-something blogger!

    Secondly, while I never was / never will love rap (I was the girl who grew up in the ghetto singing opera) I truly do love and appreciate this tribute to Tupac. Your love for his music just jumps off the page. As a musician, you have no idea how much I appreciate this despite it being the last genre I'd listen to.

    Lastly, I LOVE your eye makeup. Tutorial please??

  18. thank you Lisette!
    i love when people can appreciate all music - even if it's not for them - instead of bashing it :)

    thanks! there's a pretty good chance that i got lucky with the eye makeup haha, i've been watching the beauty gurus on youtube like crazy for the past few months. but as i'm getting the hang of it, i will admit that doing tutorials has crossed my mind... so they may happen in the future ;)