While I don't want to darken this post with why I've failed already, I'll simply say that ... I am who I am. Trying to change who I am, even for the better, just isn't good for anyone. It isn't good for me, having to suffocate through the times when I want to flip out but have to work on taking a different route, it makes me feel fake. And being this way for the last month or so, has clearly caused a build up that made me snap. I'm a shitty person and I will always be a shitty person. I'm unhappy with myself and my choices that haunt me and that's the way it will always be. Trying to change who I am isn't good for anyone around me either. They think it's gonna be peaceful from here on out and then the storm comes back again. Sadly, I typically get the "oh I'm so proud of you, you're coming so far, I can really see you have a better outlook" but then when I have a set back (because I'm a fucking human) all I hear is "you never tried." And now everyone is in chaos because I derailed the positivity train. All while watching the world around me filled with the ones who really don't try to better themselves, and the ones that just want you to change. Ya know, the hypocrites. I've experienced this far too many times in my life. People who do not support your journey to a healthier you, a better you, a happier you, do not deserve to exist in your world. I've walked away from people that meant the world to me simply because when it was time for me to spread my wings and do something to make me happy, I got shit on. A lot.
There will always be at least one person that wants to see you fail... at life as a whole. There will always be someone that smiles to your face and tells you how wonderful you are and how much they love and care, only to retract all that the moment they feel threatened by your joy. Today, unfortunately, I am that person to me.
Nothing like a debbie downer post for a bright Tuesday morning.
I made a video recently discussing what I learned in 2014 and what I hope to get out of 2015. If I watched that today, it would probably make me puke. (maybe I need to film a revised one).
Things really can change over night, and when they do, it's usually not for the better.
If this dragged you into my misery, you can get picked back up in seeing how positive I was last week.
I also posted my favorite video yet, I'm really getting a hang of editing. If you missed that you can click on the photo below. As well as the giveaway I still have going on!
I hope you are all having a beautiful day! xo
I'm giving away TWO of the Jaclyn Hill Morphe Eyeshadow Palettes!
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