I'm torn today. I feel excited to have reached a milestone but disappointed that I didn't accomplish everything I wanted to before this day arrived. A whole year ago I hit publish on my first YouTube video, which was a "Date Night" look. I had no idea what I was doing but I was having so much fun doing it! And I immediately became addicted. It took my whole life, but I had finally found a hobby that I enjoyed and loved and thought about every moment of every day.
Let me tell you the good the bad and the ugly about making YouTube videos. First of all, I absolutely love having a video journal of my life. I think it's going to be so amazing to look back on! Before I get right into the good, I want to explain why I started making videos. At the time, I was really struggling with my anxiety and I wanted to do something extreme and out of my comfort zone. I was convinced that making videos would open me up more and loosen up my crazy nerves. And it did. I started to feel happier and more confident. <- The good! I also made new friends, and that was exciting to feel connected with people in another community outside of the blog world. More good!
But then the bad and ugly started to set in. I started to pick myself apart. Seeing yourself on video can make it way easier to notice things than just looking in the mirror. I began having regrets that I never wore my retainer as a kid because my bottom teeth are so obviously crooked. I was searching for an affordable place to get some Botox because seeing the awful crows feet around my eyes were making me not want to smile anymore. Suddenly, a shit ton of insecurities that I never knew I even had started surfacing at full speed!
So I stopped sitting in front of the camera doing beauty videos and started filming out and about vlogs. Which I soon realized was so much fun! Capturing random every day moments, editing clips to showcase something of a short little movie of my life, I love it! Unfortunately, I don't upload very often because, well, let's be honest- my life is pretty boring, but I enjoy editing my vlogs to still be exciting to watch. If you're interested in getting a glimpse of what's on my channel, check out this Channel Trailer that I may or may not have made in celebration of being on YouTube for one whole year!
Although in this past year I didn't grow my channel into what I wanted it to be, and have a notebook full of video ideas and editing details that will probably never see the light of day because ... time. I'm still really happy that I began this journey and continue on it as often as I can. And I'd love for you to come along with me! So if you're not already subscribed and wanna go down this road with me, please subscribe here! |youtube|